I remember getting my first yearbook. It was new, shiny, and mine. It was incredibly ridiculous, radial tie dye with our uniform viking centered on the cover. I loved it.
Sixth grade had been a crazy, unusual year for me; the new middle school experience and routine, Getting my first F's in math, and transfering to and from a charter school within a couple of weeks. I was not in elementary school anymore. It was the year that I felt good about myself, when I made code names with my bestfriends and learned about the tropical rainforest layers. All in all, an amazing experience.
I had made so many friends, and I wanted every single one to sign that yearbook. When the last day was over, all the signings were done, I saw that one page was blank. I decided that day that I, my 6th grade self, would sign my yearbook. I told my future self about the great ventures I had endured and what I expected myself to improve on next year. I have written to myself every year since. Every year that is, until last year. My first year of High School.
I hadn't even realized that I had not signed my own Freshman yearbook until I got my Sophomore yearbook. I had realized this was the first year that my uniform viking was not centered on the cover. My strong Royal Blue and Golden Yellow Viking, my favorite mascot. A maverick had stolen his place. My yearbook was at least an inch thick, and in those pages I only knew about 10% of my fellow students. I had no one to sign it, and I didn't want anyone to. In the index, I found that I was only on two pages, tennis and the sophomore student listings. For the first time in my whole education experience I was so disappointed in myself. And I hated my yearbook.
I keep all my yearbooks on my top shelf, its very dusty with memories. I got my freshman book down, flipped to the blank page I always keep to sign, and found it blank. I had forgotten to sign it, in all the commotion of moving and saying goodbye to my friends I had forgotten to write to myself. How could I do that? The one thing I needed most was to hear from my past self, and I had let myself down.
I am never going to let myself down again. I wrote to myself in my Maverick yearbook, about this year, about how disappointed and proud I was of myself, and what I expected I do better next year. I wasted a year, an entire year living in the past. Wanting to go back, to represent the Viking I am. I wanted my friends and I wanted to be happy, and I made myself miserable wanting something I used to have. I could have had friends, and I could have been happy, as a maverick. It is heartbreakingly sad that it took me an entire school year to figure this out, but I believe some life lessons take longer than others, hurt more than others, and teach more than other life lessons. And that's okay. I'm okay.
I have signatures in my yearbook, I have so many friends, I am very happy now, and I am so excited to be a Maverick next year =)
I am ready to take Junior year by the horns, pun intended!
